Last night my symptoms picked back up again. I think what makes me feel worried is that when I'm not experiencing those faint twinges/cramps I don't "feel" pregnant. My breasts will hurt and the moodiness is there but they feel like normal PMS as opposed to the different symptoms I've had with pregnancy. Those twinges are constant reminders that I'm pregnant. I've had them throughout this morning like clock work, so I feel pretty good today about how things are going. Still no bleeding or bad cramping, so all must be well.
I'm anxious for my appointment tomorrow at 11:30am (thank goodness it's early in the morning - last time my appointment was at 4:10pm and I about died of anticipation!) I'm really hoping they do an ultrasound - my sister said that was the only thing she would think they could do at this stage. If they do decide to do an ultrasound it should help shed some light on how far along I actually am. With the timing of the positive pregnancy tests I know I am at least 4 weeks. Likely going into week 5 right about now. If that's the case, they may be able to see the gestational sac. Depending on the doctors equipment will determine if we see a heart beat or not. When we went in at 8 weeks last time she said the sac was the size of a 5-6 week old, so I know they can see the sac that early.
Crossing my fingers they can tell me how far along I am! Hoping to be able to see a heartbeat soon! Once we see a heartbeat the likelihood of miscarriage drops down to 3%. I have to keep in mind they may not see a heart beat because it's so early and because their machinery might not be advanced enough. I'm sure they will schedule another visit if they don't see one yet, or if they can't see the gestational sac.
I've been having some rather vivid dreams lately, as well as all the other symptoms. Vivid as in when I wake up I swear the event honestly happened. My dream last night started kind of hazy, I was somewhere where it was snowing and a storm was coming. I got into a truck with a man and somehow, after some unknown event, we were fighting over a gun and he got shot in the chest. Then my dream cut to a different scene where I was walking with some friends (people I have never met in real life) and we stumbled across the truck, which was covered in leaves and snow. So the friends called the police. Somehow I was arrested and was placed with a large group of other people my age in a brick room.
A bald man approached me and started telling me how they were going to prosecute me for the murder of the man in the truck but they had no evidence, so I would likely go free. I watched as one person after another was called into a separate room. Each one began to sob uncontrollably when their name was called. I felt incredibly anxious and nervous. Finally my name was called so I went into the next room, where there was a line of people waiting in front of a judge and jury. I couldn't hear what anyone was saying, I just remember I was very cold and very upset. The bald man who approached me earlier came back to me and placed a light grey sweater around me.
When I put it on the right sleeve had orange stains, splatters, all up the side. Supposedly it was blood that turned orange after trying to wash it. I looked up at the bald man who shook his head at me with this look of complete sorrow for me. In my dream I started crying uncontrollably because that sweater was the evidence, and that means I was guilty, so I would never see my family again. At this point I woke up and felt incredibly sad, guilty, and unbelievably depressed. It took me a while to shake the dream and feel like myself. So strange!
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