man oh man

So yes, definitely pregnant.

The morning sickness never seems to happen in the morning. I wake up and feel great so I try to eat as much as I can (knowing it will be the last meal I can hold down for the day) Come 10am, man oh man.

The thought of food in general makes me want to hurl. If I go to the cupboard to grab something, the thought of the taste of the food in the cupboard makes me sick. It's like the bile rises in my gut saying, "Nooo!! You can't have this!" And it's all food - sweet, sour, healthy, junk, meat, cheese, crackers, water, etc.

I can barely drink anything, either. I can hold down vitamin water, so I drink that all day long. It seems to help if I eat some saltines right before I have to eat a meal. Like the saltines settle the bile down long enough for me to get some real food in my belly.

I've now lost 5lbs in the last week. If I lose anymore, I will contact my dr. I've read it is normal to lose some weight the first trimester. So we'll see.

The fatigue is intense, too. All day long now. I wake up EXHAUSTED. I got to bed EXHAUSTED. I feel like I just cannot get enough rest. I've tried listening to my body and laying down when necessary, but it's like it isn't enough. I'm sick of staying in bed.

I know I'm supposed to enjoy every minute of this. I remember after I lost my first pregnancy I would have given up anything and everything to have all of this back again. Now that I have it, this time it feels a bit unbearable. I didn't have this much fatigue or morning sickness. It's like my body said, "You wanted it, you got it!"

It's like having the flu 24/7 but without the fever or vomiting. I get so close to throwing up, though. I feel the bile rise in my throat, my breath gets short, I get shaky, the saliva in my mouth gets thick. I have to sit for a while else I will vomit. I'm almost hoping one time I will. Maybe there's something in my tummy my body has to get rid of. Maybe I'll feel better once I start actually throwing up.

Ugh I dunno. I just want October 18th to get here!!

Back and Forth

So my worries go back and forth. I worry because it seems my symptoms are going away. Then the symptoms come back and I'm fine. I think if I don't feel pregnant for a small amount of time (a pause in symptoms) I freak out.

I read online about exercising and symptoms. Exercising will actually make the symptoms less, makes them much easier to deal with - which includes exhaustion, nausea, and cramps. So that helps to explain why they have been less the last couple days - the last couple days have been when I really started working out again. It has to be that.

I went 2 weeks with only working out twice - each day after I worked out those 2 times I felt better - not as pregnant. I think I'm just scaring myself... Right now I feel better - symptoms are here again so we'll see.

Nervous.

Over the last few days, I've noticed my symptoms lessen. I'm so nervous now. The same thing happened about a week before I miscarried last time. I don't have the twinges like I did. The nausea is nowhere near as strong. I'm tired, but it's not like it was - not as obvious.

I emailed my doctor. She won't be in until tomorrow or Wednesday (when I go to email her online it says she's out through 2/22) There's not much she can do, but if I would be able to go in to see if everything is ok, it would settle my mind. I expressed my concern about getting closer to the same date I miscarried last time.

I should be 6 weeks tomorrow. If everything is ok, we should be able to see a heartbeat soon. Last time the baby didn't grow enough for a heartbeat.

Come to think of it, the symptoms would have stopped around 6 weeks and 5 days. So I'm right around the time frame last time. Ugh I'm going crazy!!

I'm glad I emailed, though. It can't hurt to try to see if everything is ok, or at least see what a professional has to say. I've given up on searching online for answers. Just because something works one way for one woman doesn't mean that's the norm.

I hope the symptoms just seem less because this time I'm exercising. I always feel better when I work out, so maybe it's helping to curb the bad symptoms - or at least mask them.

Almost 6 Weeks!

So, AF is now a full week late :P (I have a 32-ish day cycle, today is day 40) The best news is that there hasn't been ANY bleeding whats so ever for going on 2 weeks now. My first pregnancy I had spotting the entire time. This time it was just implantation bleeding then it stopped. Everything still feels really good, too. The cramping I have is becoming more regular - once every hour or so - sometimes it's rather painful and sometimes it's just a twinge. The nausea is about the same. I'm hoping it won't get any worse. The exhaustion is a bit overwhelming sometimes, though. Yesterday I was tired ALL day long. Usually it hits me about 330 or 4 in the afternoon.

So I feel pretty good still! Other than the symptoms :P Which I am honestly grateful for, they are constant reminders I am still pregnant. I was so mad at myself last time for actually complaining about all of the symptoms. This time I am enjoying every second of it!

More relieved each day!

I was pretty worried about the whole "chemical pregnancy" thing, where you get pregnant but it doesn't take. You would only know this happens if you take a very early pregnancy test, it comes out VERY FAINT positive, then a week later you have a period (and a negative pregnancy test) You just caught when the hormone STARTED to rise, but it didn't go any further than that.

Well I'm now past that particular phase :P My pregnancy tests come out stronger each and every day. They're almost BOLD positives, one more shade darker and it will be the same as the control line :P I have zero signs of having a period - all the spotting I had completely stopped several days ago as my doctor said it would (Last pregnancy I spotted the ENTIRE time) My symptoms are getting stronger and stronger every day.

I can't wear the perfume I love because it makes me nauseous, every time I get hungry I cook something really nice that normally I love then when I sit down to eat, I can't eat it because I feel like I'm going to throw up. I haven't actually thrown up yet, but the queasiness and lightheadedness is there. My chest hurts a little more each day. The twinges in my side (small pains) are more regular now rather than just all day long - more like for a few minutes every couple hours, and not quite as painful as they were. Now just annoying :P

I wouldn't trade any of these symptoms for anything in the world right now! They might make me feel crappy, but I love it!

I really feel for my poor Hubby. He was heartbroken when we lost the first pregnancy. He's been afraid to get attached to this one, as I totally understand.

I had to tell him that we can't rob this pregnancy of all the excitement that goes with it because of a bad past experience. We can't love this one any less because we are afraid to lose it. It would be like if I were to stop loving Devin because I am afraid of how I'll feel when the circle of life catches up. This new baby deserves all of our affection, love, excitement, joy, etc. I refuse to hold myself back.

He seems to be feeling better. He's actually helping me look at baby stuff now, like names :P He was sending me links to websites he found that listed baby names. We made an excel spreadsheet with our favorites so far. He's starting to call us "3 of us" again, like when we were pregnant the first time. I think he's letting himself in again. I'm very happy to have him be with me and love me and love our little family :P

I really do have a good feeling about this pregnancy. I can't wait!!

Exhausted

I can't seem to keep my eyes open today! I could NOT force myself to do my homework here on my break between classes. I can't focus on what I've read or write properly. I'm sick of writing lol. So much has to be hand written. Can't I just type??? lol

Pregnancy is kicking my ass. No fun! I just have to remember it's a labor of love! lol - THIS is what I wanted! Well technically what I wanted was the baby its self, not all the symptoms, but yea :P Right now, before I feel the baby, I just feel pain. The cramps are irritating. The exhaustion is unmistakable. The chest pain is excruciating. The nausea keeps me from eating bad stuff, so I guess that's ok :P Just gonna rest my eyes for a bit before my next class...

Ow...

So I thought I had more time before my boobs would start hurting, but no. They were a little sore this morning. I laid in bed watching movies all day and just sat up to go get something to eat and it felt like someone punched me in my boobs! Damn gravity! I mean it hurts, but I love it. This pain means PREGNANCY lol

The cramps have been pretty light today. Not really any spotting, either. The exhaustion hit today, though. NO energy at all. I just want to lay in bed. I rarely do this so I am! Going to take it easy today since tomorrow is another LONG day. Yay. Otherwise everything seems to be ok!

Blech

I still feel pretty yucky, but I do feel better about the pregnancy overall. I emailed my doctor yesterday about the bleeding I've had. When I email her I am, of course, worried. But when she replies, just her tone and sense of understanding in her emails makes me feel better. She has this "service" thing down to an art! I absolutely love my doctor.

She first said she could understand how I would be anxious considering I was bleeding like this with my first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage. But that most women do bleed early in pregnancy and it is normal. If it gets any worse or doesn't stop at all she will then look into it. Right now since it's so early she feels she can't do anything yet. And I agree.

The bleeding got a bit heavier yesterday, then after I went to the gym it practically stopped. So I feel that exercising helped. I stopped exercising the first pregnancy, I wonder if it would have helped with the spotting (the spotting was not a sign of the impending miscarriage - I was spotting because of a normal pregnancy. My body didn't know until 8 weeks that I was going to lose the baby, that's when the spotting got a lot worse and turned into heavy and painful bleeding) So it was normal last time, the spotting.

I asked her about exercise, and what's considered normal and what's healthy for pregnancy. I told her how it seems to have helped with the bleeding. I don't want to leave anything out, I want to do all I can to ensure a healthy pregnancy for both me and baby :P

It still hasn't settled in yet. I know I'm pregnant, but it feels unreal. I almost feel as though it's a dream, or I'm just telling myself I WANT to be pregnant. I think once I start feeling more symptoms it will really sink in. I don't feel as pregnant as before yet, because it's still so early.

The symptoms at 7-8 weeks were incredible. I could feel in my abdomen that there was "more" there than usual. Laying on my stomach wasn't comfortable (for my boobs, either!) Right now, my boobs are starting to feel tender. They don't hurt yet but it's starting. I have twinges all day long. They start up around noon and stop when I go to bed. They also stopped when I exercised, too. So I'm definitely going to keep working out since it seems to have such a positive impact on the pregnancy.

I have been feeling a bit of nausea. I just ate some Top Ramen for breakfast (I dreamed about it and HAD to have it when I woke up lol) and now I feel yucky. Randomly throughout the day I feel like that - just yucky. Not enough to throw up, but enough to notice I feel a bit woozy.

Today I'm going to take it easy. I feel very tired and exhausted.

Hoping

So I certainly FEEL pregnant. Compared to last time, the only symptom that hasn't kicked in yet is chest pain. I remember last time my boobs hurting so bad that gravity alone was unbearable. So far nothing.

I had implantation bleeding last week, starting Thursday. I have read online that it can last anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks. I am still bleeding as of today. My doctor told me that if the bleeding continues to let her know and she will see me sooner than my visit March 2nd (I won't see her that visit either, just the prenatal clerk)

I let her know, just in case something else is going on. I bled last time all the way through to the miscarriage at 8 weeks. But it can be normal. The first sign I was miscarrying was the horrible cramps, followed by the spotting I had going from light/brown to heavy/red-ish pink. Right now it's going back and forth from brown to light pink. The cramping isn't necessarily painful, just very irritating. I had twinges the entire time last time.

I remember at first they were slightly painful, I even took tylenol thinking they were period cramps at first - but they eased up and became annoying twinges. Needless to say I am worried - as always. There is no such thing as a perfect pregnancy. I am always going to worry no matter what. At least my doctor is offering to look into this for me if it doesn't stop on it's own.

Thing is, my body didn't know last time that the pregnancy wasn't viable. It maintained the pregnancy through the 8 weeks even though the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. I spotted all the way through and it was normal. My body didn't have any issues keeping the baby or supporting it. The baby just didn't make it past 6 weeks.

So this spotting may very well be normal. I might as well have my doctor check into it. Can't hurt anything.

Feelin' Yucky

These last few days I've been feeling really yucky. I have cramps in one side. My stomach feels like a bottomless pit I just can't seem to fill. But at the same time it's upset and doesn't want to eat. I keep getting random waves of nausea. Then I'm totally starving. Then I eat and eat because I feel like I can't get enough to eat. Then the nausea comes back. Then I'm totally starving again.

I think just sitting at home all day isn't helping. Luckily I have school tomorrow and can make myself go to the gym. I have to keep up with my exercise. ESPECIALLY since I'm pregnant. Now is NOT the time to quit. If I do, it will be SO hard to get back to where I am now. It took me months to get here. I don't want to throw it away. Plus exercise will make labor super easy :P There aren't any reasons to stop now! Well, money, yes. But I have to sacrifice some things to make it work.

I gotta go to bed early tonight. LONG day tomorrow!

I love when I'm right :P

I KNEW the symptoms I've been having were pregnancy symptoms. They are very light, but they're there. The twinges were my first clue. I had these when I was pregnant before. I thought for several weeks I was going to start my period. The twinges are from my ovaries releasing progesterone and from my uterus thickening.

The mild spotting I had over the last few days was implantation bleeding. It stopped last night some time and I haven't had any since. I kept telling myself that maybe I was starting my period early, but no :P

It's too early for any other symptoms just yet. In about a week or so they should pick up. Especially since the HCG in my system is rising already. Last time the symptoms were intense. My chest hurt so bad I couldn't sleep on my stomach, my back, my sides, anywhere. I couldn't stand because gravity would pull on them. When I went swimming it was fine until I got out of the water and gravity had a hold of them again then OMG it hurt. The twinges were like clock work, every few hours for about 5 minutes. The mood swings were insane. And the cravings! I don't even like shrimp but I NEEDED shrimp. It was so strange! No morning sickness then, I hope I don't have it this time! I've had moments of nauseousness.

In class on Friday I had a wave of nausea while doing a group project thing. One of my classmates was talking to me and I had to tell her to hold on. It was strange.

So we'll see how this goes.

I'm PREGNANT!!!!

POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AT LAST!!! It's faint, but it's there! It's faint because it's so freakin' early. But it's positive! It will only show that line if there is the presence of HCG and HCG will on only show up in your system if you are pregnant. I am pregnant!

I am still in total shock. I totally made myself believe it wouldn't happen yet. I prepared myself for negatives all the way through and a full blown period any time now. But nope!

I am much more confident this time with this pregnancy since we tried things differently. I know more now than the last time we tried. I read it's good to try every other day so a man's sperm count can build up. But new studies show that actually has adverse effects - the sperm count is high but the quality is poor. They start to degrade after 24 hours. So it's better to try every day (or at least every other day with the man doing his own thing once in between to keep it "fresh.") So this time we started trying 5 days before I actually ovulated, every day. We tried every day up until 3 days after I ovulated, too, for a total of 8 days.

My first miscarriage was due to chromosomal abnormalities, which generally happens from either a poor egg or poor sperm. I made Devin wait 4 days before we tried, then I made him wait 4 more days and we tried again. Poor Devin's quality must have been horrible. It was inevitable we would lose that baby (not out of any one's fault - we didn't know)

I'm glad I know more now than I did before.

Plus I know now that I'm as healthy as can be and that my body will carry a healthy baby full term.

I am so confident! I know this will be our first baby!

I'm so happy I could cry!!!! The tears keep coming and going. The gravity of the situation keeps trying to sink in. I mean, I'M PREGNANT!!!!

Obsessive POAS Disorder!

So I decided to divide up my remaining pregnancy tests into particular days. I've been taking 2 tests a day and still negatives, of course. I have this underlying hope that in the 12 hour window between tests just MAYBE my hormones will spike or something lol. I'm going mad constantly testing, though. I have 16 tests left and 10 more days of testing.

I also have 4 of my digital tests left, too. I decided to date the tests and divide them up so that only just a few days will I do 2 tests, every other day I'll do 1. I also threw in a random digital test just in case these cheapies aren't working or something lol. I am going to test every day until 2 days after my period is due.

I'm actually assuming my period will be due by day 37 since once in a great while it's that late. If I still haven't started a period by day , or February 15th, and am still getting negative pregnancy tests I will email my doctor and request a blood test.

No symptoms have changed. They're still there, the few I do have. Mild cramping off and on all day long since I ovulated 10 days ago now. Spotting that started this last Thursday that went from pink to brown (I explained more in my previous entry) I've been like a bottomless pit - eating and eating. Even when I'm full I feel like I can't get enough to eat. Not that this is a symptom, it's just odd since I've been so diligent about diet and exercise. Normally when I work out I don't really eat more than my body needs. I feel like all I think about is food - any and all kinds.

Still hoping for that faint second line, though! Each time I test I KNOW it's going to be negative. So to see a positive will be a real surprise!

At least my period is due very soon now. Like another week at most. I'm right in the middle of the 2 week wait. It's almost over! I will have an answer soon, regardless of what it is! I have always been one to plan ahead and I feel like everything is on hold until I know where this goes. If we have another month to try again or if we've done it already, or when to start preparing for a new family member, or what. I just want to know what's next in the immediate future.

*crosses fingers and toes!*

9DPO

The days keep slipping by. Soon I'll be within the window of the most accurate results for pregnancy tests. The rest of this post may be TMI but again, it helps me think.

I know something else is up. Whether it's pregnancy or not, something is different. I am still spotting, started Thursday. It started out as pink, not red, and very very minimal. Like a few drops. Yesterday it got just a tad heavier, like maybe a teaspoon full each time I'd check. Last night it turned from pink to brown. Today again it's brown.

I've only EVER had BROWN spotting when I was pregnant. It's a symptom of pregnancy. Even when I was spotting for those 6 days before my last period it was red. RED. Minimal, but RED.

I've had a normal cycle since the miscarriage. It's over. My body is back into it's rhythm. So unless something else is going on here, these have to be pregnancy symptoms. My doctor checked me for other issues, though. Progesterone levels (low levels make you bleed between cycles) Endometriosis, blood clotting disorders, ovarian cysts, sugar levels, anything and everything that has to do with the reproductive system that she is capable of testing. Nothing. I'm very healthy. I have absolutely nothing "wrong" with me.

So I keep coming back to the main differential diagnosis - pregnancy.

If I still receive negative test sticks and still no actual period by the time I would have a period on a 35 day cycle (35 being the longer of a normal cycle, sometimes I start around 32 days, 35 days would put me at 19DPO) I will request a blood test for suspected pregnancy from my doctor. A blood test will be considered positive if it's >5miu/ml.

So I should know within the next week for sure what's going on. I hope!

With each passing day I am a bit more comforted with the fact that my chances of receiving a positive go up. It has been shown with pregnant women who take tests early the chances of a positive go up with each passing day, which is why tests tell you not to test until you've missed your period, when there's the highest chance for accuracy.

6DPO 83.5% of pregnant women received a NEG test
7DPO 76.2% of pregnant women received a NEG test
8DPO 71.3% of pregnant women received a NEG test
9DPO 54.8% of pregnant women received a NEG test <---today
10DPO 39.1% of pregnant women received a NEG test
11DPO 24.7% of pregnant women received a NEG test
12DPO is the best chance for an accurate reading.

As you can see, the percentage goes down for false negatives. I'm hoping I'll get my answer soon!

eh

I've felt a little "off" these last few days. I'm still getting negative pregnancy tests. Today is 8DPO, CD25. I started having a little bit of bleeding yesterday and it's continued through today. Just minimal, really. But it's there. It's way too early to be my period, so I don't know what to think of it. I had these faint twinge like pains from the day I ovulated until yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night Thursday to a more painful cramp that was rather brief, but still painful. Later that day I noticed the bleeding. Yesterday the twinges seemed to have stopped but today they're back and a little stronger. I feel like I'm going to start a period. I have cramps that start in my side then work their way down my abdomen to my cervix. They're not necessarily painful, just uncomfortable and have made me feel like I'm bloated and yucky.

I don't know what to make of any of this. I'm logging it so if I go through this next month before a period I will remember more clearly. I never have cramping or bleeding prior to my period. Never. Even the cycle after the miscarriage was fairly normal. I started spotting 6 days before my period really picked up but that was considered normal as my body had a lot to get rid of since it can't do all of it through the miscarriage the first time. It takes it a while. Well all of this started 12 days before I'd expect a period. Not 6. Too far off to be from that.

I don't know. I'm taking pregnancy tests twice a day just to be sure. I want to catch it the moment that hormone rises above 10 miu/ml. Now that these feelings and symptoms seem to be coming on a bit stronger I would expect something to give rather soon.

Either I will start a period or I will get a positive test. I'm all for either at this point - just to have a solid answer. The odds are there, if we try like we did this month at least a couple more months in a row, we WILL get pregnant. So long as we're trying I feel comfortable and happy.

I'll take another test in the morning when I wake up, on 9DPO. I'm getting closer and closer to a concrete date - a date where the test will be deemed accurate, so a negative would really mean negative in the next week and a half or so.

Still crossing my fingers and hoping to see a second line!!

Implantation bleeding??? I hope so!!

This blog has very girly content. Sorry for sharing TMI but it helps me think!

Since my husband and I stopped trying after my ovulation monitor went back to low fertility I started using tampons 24/7 to see if any implantation bleeding might occur. Implantation bleeding doesn't always happen and it only occurs in about 1 in 5 pregnancies (usually because the women don't notice it happening) Its usually just minimal spotting/bleeding. It can be such a small amount you wouldn't notice it. Its just from the fertilized egg burying its self in the uterine wall. Implantation can occur anywhere from 6 to 12 days following ovulation.

I am on day 7 past ovulation. Today I had very minimal spotting, so minimal I only would have noticed with a tampon. I NEVER bleed between periods. We haven't had sex since Monday so it isn't that. I have had zero bleeding since the end of my last period.

I woke up in the middle of the night to minor cramping. I've had twinges since the day I ovulated but this was a little heavier, heavy enough to wake me. This mornings pg test was neg. I actually lost my hopes this morning and almost didn't take the test.

If (that's a big IF) this was implantation, I should get a positive test soon, depending on how much hcg is being produced. Some pregnancies start out with low (normal) levels and don't give you a positive test til you're already 5 weeks, so a negative doesn't always mean you're not pregnant.

If I don't have a period by February 15th (and still neg pg test) I will ask my dr for a blood test.

Please let this have been implantation and not some odd womanly occurrance!!!

Today!

I'm finally supposed to get my tests in the mail today. I'm super excited to try one and see what it says! I've been using the expensive ones I got a while ago that are only sensitive to 50 miu/ml. Plus they are digital. They won't register positive if there's a hair of a second line whereas if I take a test that will show colored lines I can determine if there is a second line or not.

It's hard to remember what my symptoms were like at the beginning of my last pregnancy. I know I ovulated on day 11 and I didn't bother to take a pregnancy test until 24 days later (cycle day 35) It was BOLD positive that day. I had symptoms at least a week prior to that. I remember the Friday before we left for Hawaii, cycle day 28 I was having lots of symptoms. I remember having cramping thinking I would start my period at any time. My boobs were also hella sore. I just don't remember when those symptoms started kicking in. My mom even joked with me that I might be pregnant but I didn't bother to take a test because I honestly didn't think it was going to happen.

So I guess the symptoms started kicking in around 12 or 13 DPO, or cycle day 24 or 25.

Right now I am on cycle day 23. I also ovulated much later this cycle. Day 23 of my pregnant cycle I was already at 12 DPO. This time I'm 6 DPO.

I have been having small pains/twinges in my right side since the day my monitor said I ovulated. I looked up online to see what that cause would be and I guess the fallopian tubes contract to move the egg through to the uterus. But it normally only lasts for a couple days. It's now been 6 days.

It's too early to be pregnancy twinges, I mean the egg would only JUST be implanting its self if it did fertilize. I don't know.

Otherwise I have no symptoms of anything - just these twinges. We'll see!