man oh man

So yes, definitely pregnant.

The morning sickness never seems to happen in the morning. I wake up and feel great so I try to eat as much as I can (knowing it will be the last meal I can hold down for the day) Come 10am, man oh man.

The thought of food in general makes me want to hurl. If I go to the cupboard to grab something, the thought of the taste of the food in the cupboard makes me sick. It's like the bile rises in my gut saying, "Nooo!! You can't have this!" And it's all food - sweet, sour, healthy, junk, meat, cheese, crackers, water, etc.

I can barely drink anything, either. I can hold down vitamin water, so I drink that all day long. It seems to help if I eat some saltines right before I have to eat a meal. Like the saltines settle the bile down long enough for me to get some real food in my belly.

I've now lost 5lbs in the last week. If I lose anymore, I will contact my dr. I've read it is normal to lose some weight the first trimester. So we'll see.

The fatigue is intense, too. All day long now. I wake up EXHAUSTED. I got to bed EXHAUSTED. I feel like I just cannot get enough rest. I've tried listening to my body and laying down when necessary, but it's like it isn't enough. I'm sick of staying in bed.

I know I'm supposed to enjoy every minute of this. I remember after I lost my first pregnancy I would have given up anything and everything to have all of this back again. Now that I have it, this time it feels a bit unbearable. I didn't have this much fatigue or morning sickness. It's like my body said, "You wanted it, you got it!"

It's like having the flu 24/7 but without the fever or vomiting. I get so close to throwing up, though. I feel the bile rise in my throat, my breath gets short, I get shaky, the saliva in my mouth gets thick. I have to sit for a while else I will vomit. I'm almost hoping one time I will. Maybe there's something in my tummy my body has to get rid of. Maybe I'll feel better once I start actually throwing up.

Ugh I dunno. I just want October 18th to get here!!