So I've noticed these swings in my mood - not severe or insane or anything. Just one day everything is great, nothing could break me, all is well. Then the next day the smallest thing makes me want to break down and cry. Today was a good day. I came across my pregnancy journal from the miscarriage and read through it and just smiled to myself instead of crying. I felt at peace today. I think because the pregnancy symptoms are now just a memory things seem easier. The symptoms were horrible emotionally because I could FEEL the pregnancy, it was a constant reminder.
I know once I have a period I'll be very sensitive, seeing as I haven't had a period since September and it's the sign that I am NOT pregnant. I'm already expecting the worst.
It's been a week since the last of my symptoms faded now. I get nervous at every twinge I feel that I related to the pregnancy, thinking "Oh no not again - the hormone's come back up!" then the twinge goes away. I'm not going to bother with pregnancy tests, they only stress me out more. I refuse to have sex until I have a period so I KNOW the miscarriage is over and that there's zero chance it could be another pregnancy, or another miscarriage...
On a lighter note I have decided to go back to school. I signed up on Monday at Heald College to get my AAS in Medical Assistance. I have 1 semester down and 5 more to go before I get my diploma. I should graduate April of 2012 at the latest (if I go full time all the way through) I may even be able to get away with graduating a semester earlier by adding 1 more class to each semester. I'll have to test the waters. It's perfect for me now since I'm not working. I can completely focus on school.
I'm super excited to start. It will help me get my mind off of babies, being in a professional environment and bettering myself educationally.
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