I don't know STILL

This time is so different. Last time I had horrible cramps followed by heavy, intense bleeding. Last time I passed so much tissue I thought my whole intestines were coming loose. I immediately felt like I wasn't pregnant anymore last time. I felt empty.

I don't know what's happening this time. I don't have cramps. I have some mild pains that feel as though I took a bunch of pain medication and the cramps are blocked, except I didn't. They're just not there. No pain. The bleeding is fairly mild, I'm not soaking through anything like before. And I'm not passing tons of tissue. The 2 pieces this morning then another piece this afternoon. All in all it's all probably the size of 3 marbles, and all in pieces rather than one big mass.

I just don't know. At this point, I hope I'm not pregnant anymore. At least then I'll know what's going on. I want a baby more than anything, but I can't handle the stress and "not knowing" and the physical pains and still have nothing to show for it. I know one day we'll have a happy healthy baby, and it will all be worth it. Right now, something is just wrong.

I have blood work scheduled next Thursday and another ultrasound scheduled Friday to see what's going on. To see if I'm still pregnant, to see if it's all just from the previous miscarriage, to find out anything we can.

I just feel numb this time.