Nervousness

So I had my blood drawn around 8:22am (that's what time it was when we left)

My doctor emailed me and said it takes 2-4 hours, so I will call just to see if by chance it's ready just after 2 hours, so I set my alarm for 10:50am so I'm not constantly checking the time. Trying to keep myself busy until then. Going to do some laundry, some vacuuming, some deep cleaning.

I've been researching the levels of HCG and timelines of what they should (or on average should) read so many days apart. My first test was 47 then 3 days later it was 137 - that is a perfect example of the numbers doubling as they should. When the numbers are less than 1200 they should double every 48-72 hours, mine doubled on average every 46.6 hours then. According to a chart (Found Here) if I am pregnant, the numbers should read around 3000-7000. If they are much lower, it's likely I miscarried again (or wasn't pregnant to begin with) I'm going to ask the Advice Nurse when I call and get the results how she would interpret them based on my previous results.

I'm hoping they're up, obviously. But I'm trying to force myself to think low. I keep pushing the number "15" into my head, so if she says a number super high it's a surprise, not a brick in the face if it's low.

I'm trying so hard not to read any symptoms I have, or don't have. I can tell my body didn't get rid of everything, my abdomen still feels swollen, so I know SOME HCG will be there (obviously, I've still been getting positive pregnancy tests) My breasts don't hurt, and haven't hurt for several days. However, last time they hurt at first, it went away, then they started hurting incredibly bad around 7 weeks (I'm still estimating about 5 right now, if pregnant) when my numbers were sky-rocketing. So I shouldn't expect to have tons of symptoms.

The nausea lasted a few days then stopped. I was finally able to eat yesterday and this morning I'm hungry. I always feel like I need to pee but when I go there's not much there (not a urinary infection, no pain, just all of the sudden it feels like I have to go NOW - had that last pregnancy, too) and I'd expect that since my uterus isn't empty, there is (even if small) more pressure on my bladder still. My mood swings have been intense these last few days. I would feel like crying one minute, then very anxious the next, then happy and positive later, then back to wanting to cry. What drives me crazy is I don't know if that's from the HCG going UP or going DOWN.

The bleeding has completely stopped, it only lasted a couple days. No pain, just twinges (not very often, and not as strong as before) So it's impossible to interpret my symptoms as a good thing or bad thing - they're everywhere! They come and go, one day they're strong and the next they're completely transparent.

I'm hoping to get some sort of answer today. My doctor said she will review the results when she gets in tomorrow morning and we'll discuss it then (I'm going to email her after I get them to see what she says, have her call me or email me back) She hasn't canceled my ultrasound for Friday. I want to keep the appointment even if my numbers are very very low. I want to have the option for a D&C to remove everything from my uterus if I have indeed miscarried (I have read the numbers can be low and still have a good pregnancy, so to see it on an ultrasound will be a good thing both ways) I just don't want this to drag on. I want everything to be over with so I can move past all of this.

It's hard because I don't know how I should feel. Should I be excited for a baby? Should I start grieving for another miscarriage? Should I simply move on because this is still from the previous miscarriage? I can't plan how to move on if I don't know what's happening.

It's now 9:08, I'll try calling in about an hour and 40 minutes. Will obviously update again about what the results are.