Tomorrow

So my doctor emailed me back already, said she put in for another beta-Hcg test for tomorrow, said I can go in first thing. I guess the results will be in by tomorrow sometime, she told me, "You can call the advice nurse to discuss your results or I will be in Tuesday and we can discuss them then." I will go in when the doors open at 7am and will try calling around noon to see if they are in yet. If not, I'll wait until around 5, then around 8. The advice line is available 24/7 so unless the results aren't turned in until early Tuesday morning I should get them tomorrow some time. I'm not necessarily nervous about what the answers will be, I'm just nervous about getting the answer. I can't wait!

It's driving me insane not knowing what on earth is happening to me. Am I pregnant? Was I ever pregnant? Did I miscarry? I took 2 more pregnancy tests, still positive (with a VERY diluted sample, so this morning's faint positive doesn't mean anything, faint or not) I can't use those as any proof of anything. Only the numbers will speak for me. I wish there was a home device you could use to determine the numbers yourself, like prick your finger or something and it tells you the HCG in your system, like that of diabetic devices. That would save so many doctors so many headaches from patients like me begging to be tested ONE MORE TIME lol.

This time just feels so different. The bleeding has stopped completely, I haven't passed any more tissue today. Not since yesterday. There's no more pain. The nausea is less today, but I can't look into my symptoms much either as they will mean anything at any time. I could have had some of the flu for all I knew. Plus it seems worse in the evening. It's not evening yet.

Talking things through makes me feel better, so I'm repeating myself over and over. Sorting everything out again and again, just in case I missed something.